


Why Stop at One?

by Legs (InsanityRule)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Cheesy romcom, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 10:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4096855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/Legs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why settle for one way to ask someone out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Stop at One?

Richard nods along as jared finishes explaining the new HR policy. “So anyone in a new or current relationship just has to fill out this form. Simple. Easy. And less of a headache in the long run.”

“Great. Thanks jared. Are you sending me an electronic copy?”

“Already done.”

“Awesome.”

Jared smiles and hums before leaving the room. Richard watches him go briefly before turning back to his computer. Dinesh and Gilfoyle are both staring at him and he leans back, a bit unnerved.

“What?

"You know that guy is madly in love with you right?” Dinesh asks.

“Ho…” Richard puts his hands on the table and flexes his fingers. “What?”

“Absolutely had over fucking heels for you.” Gilfoyle adds.

“It’s kind of disgusting to watch really.”

“Absolutely pitiful.”

“Haa…” Richard gulps. “What do I do?”

“You do nothing.” Gilfoyle turns back to his computer.

“It’ll probably pass if you ignore it.”

“What if… What if I want the opposite of that?”

Gilfoyle and Dinesh both freeze.

Dinesh clears his throat. “Are you really asking us how to court jared?”

“The guy’s an animated skeleton, but thinner.”

“I think he’s a vampire. Who doesn’t have wrinkles by thirty in this business?”

Richard turns around and watches jared explain the policy to everyone. Yeah he does have smooth skin.“

Dinesh chokes. "That is not what I said.”

“It’s basically what you said.” Richard points out.

“Without pouring his heart into it maybe.” Gilfoyle shakes his head. “You’ve got it bad Richard.”

“Well you guys are a great help.” Richard grabs his laptop. “I’m doing some research.”

No one sees him for almost three days.

Gilfoyle and Dinesh are playing call of duty when Richard emerges from his room, squinting his eyes at the bright lights. He hasn’t shaved and he’s wearing the same clothes he wore on Friday.

“Jesus Richard what happened to you?” Dinesh swears as his character dies. “Fuck Gilfoyle really?”

“I’m not as easily distracted… Richard you’re looking…”

“Disgusting.”

“I didn’t know you could do facial hair.”

“I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. That looks terrible.”

“Guys I’ve got it.” He’s clutching a crinkled piece of paper. “I know what I have to do. Dinesh we’ll-”

“I’m staying out of this.” Dinesh sets down his controller and bolts from the room.

“Gilfoyle?”

“Not a chance.”

-

Richard is moping with his legs dangling in the pool when Erlich sits beside him.

“What the hell is wrong with you.”

He’s so tired because he didn’t sleep at all so he could stay up and watch the cheesy romcoms jared likes to get ideas on how to ask jared out. He wipes his eyes before any tears can actually fall.

“I’m tired.”

“Your soaking your pants in the pool.”

Huh, how did he not notice?

“Oh.”

“What’s That?” Richard holds up his list of romantic gestures for Erlich to see. HOW TO WOO JARED is scrawled in the top.

“Oh my god.”

“It’s stupid.” Richard sets the list aside and slides into the pool the rest of the way even though Erlich starts shouting at him. He leans his head against the side. “He’ll never go for it.”

“What is this list?”

“Romantic gestures.” He sniffs. “I watched romcoms all weekend.”

“Jesus Fuck.”

“Those were all doable… It’s stupid. I’ll just… Forget about it. I’ll be fine.”

Erlich touches his shoulder and Richard looks up. “I’ll help.”

“What?”

“Leave the details to me, Richard. I can’t let a friend miss their chance.”

“Erlich that’s… You’re serious?”

“Go shower and shave. For God’s sake Richard you’re in the pool with your clothes on.”

“Right. Shower.”

Richard tries and fails to get out until Erlich helps.

“Jesus did you forget to eat?”

"Well sort of..."

-

Erlich knocks I the door to Noah's guest house around midnight.

Jared opens the door, wearing pajamas and a robe. “Erlich?”

“No questions… This way.”

Jared follows Erlich to the front of the house and over to the street lamp. Erlich leaves him standing in the sidewalk so he can grab a hose and set it to shower.

Richard turns on an old boom box and In Your Eyes starts playing. He’s standing under the street light, on a full moon night, and Erlich is angling the hose so it’s ‘raining’ on Richard. He’s holding a queue card.

_I think I’m in love with you._

He flips it over.

_Will you go out with me?_

It’s every cheesy movie ever and Jared doesn’t know what to do.

He looks to Erlich.

“Please pretend I’m not here this is mortifying enough without being stared at by you freaks.”

Jared turns back to Richard and nods and Richard kisses him right under the streetlight in the ‘rain’ and it’s perfect.

Then Erlich sets the house to jet and starts spraying them.

Gilfoyle and Dinesh shake their heads as they watch Richard and Jared run off.

“That was the most pitiful display I’ve ever seen.”

Gilfoyle nods and takes a drink of his beer. “It’s like they’re a different species. And you know what’s more sad? You’re now the least laid guy in the house.”

“Fuck…” Dinesh takes Gilfoyle’s beer and throws it back.  



End file.
